Dear Uncle Drew,
Admit it, you miss Cleveland, right? Sounds like you’re having zero fun right now in Boston. It’s not easy being green. It’s not easy being the Cavs, either. You and they are struggling, but for completely different reasons.
Actually, you’re not struggling statistically. Statistically, you’re having one of the best seasons of your career, but as we both know, for you it isn’t about stats. It’s about YOU. Your brand. Your bigness. Your badness. It’s about you being THE MAN.
You were The Man in Cleveland, until that other man came back from Miami. Then you were Deputy Man, Assistant Man, Apprentice Man. But, man, oh, man, did you guys do some stuff. Won it all in 2016, thanks to that shot that still gives us chills back here when we see it. You know the one. At the end of Game 7, when you schooled Steph with that dagger 3-ball from the wing?
Magic! But then, when it was over, the cameras were all pointed at that other man, the man who came back from Miami, helped you win it all for Cleveland, then dramatically — nudge-nudge — fell to the floor, pounded it and shouted, “Cleveland! This is for you!”
Where were you when that was going on? They didn’t show you on TV. Maybe you were over there congratulating one of the Warriors for putting up such a good fight. Festus Ezeli? Might have been him. It was never really your team when that guy came back from Miami. So you demanded that the Cavs trade you, even though they didn’t have to trade you, but, for some unknown reason, they traded you.
You were probably floored when they did that, right? We were. They not only traded you, but they traded you to a good team. The Celtics. The Celtics at the time had everything but the most important thing: THE MAN. It became you, because, let’s face it, you ARE THE MAN, right? Right.
You would have showed it your first year in Boston, but you got hurt and missed the playoffs. The Celtics reached Game 7 of the conference finals, but they lost at home, to Cleveland, and that man who came back from Miami to be The Man. If you’d been healthy you probably would have out-“Manned” him, and the Celtics would have won, right? We both know the answer to that one.
Now you’re in your second season in Boston, and this Man thing is starting get difficult. Sounds like you’ve got chemistry problems with that bunch. There was talk the players don’t get along. From afar, it seems like they just don’t appreciate the bigness of you, the badness of you and the YOU of you. That’s on them, not you.
With you as The Man, the Celtics were supposed to win the East this year, but they’re tied for third, and something is missing. The team just doesn’t look right. You being The Man, you sense that, and you’re starting to think it might be time to move on and become The Man on some other team.
You said as much the other day, when a reporter asked if you were still committed to re-signing with the Celtics, and you said, “Ask me July 1.”
Message received! Way to be The Man!
With Anthony Davis having demanded a trade, and with the entire league obsessed about where he’ll end up, with the Lakers drooling over the possibility it will be them, with Celtics Nation apoplectic about your intentions, with fans at Madison Square Garden on Friday serenading you with chants of “We want Kyrie!” it’s clear you, as The Man, once again hold all the cards.
We’re nearing another round of superstar musical chairs this summer, when all you guys who are The Man decide what teams you’re going to play for, so it’s clear you, since you’ll be a free agent, are in the driver’s seat once again. Because of course you are. You are The Man.
Meanwhile, have you seen the mess you left behind in Cleveland? Whew! It ain’t pretty. You, as The Man, would know that. The Cavs’ roster has been a bus terminal, guys coming and going daily, and the losses mounting monthly.
It’s a situation that screams for somebody to come in here and be The Man. Just saying. Know what we mean? K-Love is still here, so he could be your Deputy Man, whenever he’s healthy. They’d probably even let you pick the coach, since that’s a perk of being The Man. You could bring some players with you, too, because who wouldn’t want to play with you as The Man?
Think about it. You come back and do what you set out to do the first time you were here: win it all, with you as THE MAN.
It’d be Uncle Drew, The Sequel.
Think it over.
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